Know Thyself. Heal Thyself.
By Robert Lilly
For years I have been describing myself as a “free thinker,” one who is capable of forming their own opinions and views, free of the undue influence of those who would have me be their slave.
The truth is more like this: At times I have been free to think free of the influences of others, but those moments are not as often as I wish they were.
Robert Lilly
We are constantly bombarded with information telling us to do this, rather than that. We are told that this new gadget will make us better, smarter, stronger, more beautiful, and popular. Who gets to decide these things? More importantly, why do we approve their recommendations?
Lately, I have been thinking about the idea of coercion. “We are all coercers, and we are all coerced,” says Douglas Rushkoff in his book “Coercion.” This idea has fascinated me for decades as I have sought to understand my behavior, subsequent incarcerations, and continued bouts with addiction.
There was a time in my life when I was imprisoned and I had this ongoing dispute with one of my prison mates about “choice” and “knowledge.” He was convinced that we, his peers, convicted and imprisoned for crimes, knew right from wrong. He asserted that our “mothers and fathers” had taught us right from wrong and we just did not obey them, and thus we are now being punished for our actions, as disobedient children.
I bristled at his remarks but did not know why they made me uncomfortable. I agonized to find a reason for my discontent. I knew there was a response I wanted to make, but at the time, my understanding of myself, and the world I had had to navigate up to this point, was still very much a mystery to me.
Eventually, with time, determination, reflection, and access to academic resources, I came across what I had sought in my vain strivings – understanding.
New information and careful consideration of his words led me to new conclusions. First, I realized that his opinions were just that – opinions. He was so confident in his position that it confused me and convinced me that his arguments were true and any thoughts I held were inferior to his.
He was bold, loud and persistent. At that time, I lacked the confidence to hold my ground and reserve the right to pause and consider before determining that I was defeated in my thinking or position.
Next, I noticed some flaws in his arguments. When he attributed certain qualities to all of us as mothers and fathers, he was making assumptions without accurate information. Equally problematic was his belief that there was a universal standard of right and wrong that all parents inherently possessed, and that simply delivering this information would convince any child of the truth. Therefore, any deviation from this standard was seen as a clear sign of our failure, rather than anyone else’s. Beyond that, he made no room for teachers, peers, media, arts, culture, history, environment, or levels of education. For him, it was all so simple, right and wrong, black and white, a binary world with no room for gradations.
It would take me years to realize that he was more a product of the world around me than an anomaly. I believe some of the teachers who judged me in school similarly saw things. Perhaps the judges who reprimanded me from the bench but never wanted to hear my stories of early death and destruction in my troubled hometown saw it the same way. Let’s not forget the ministers who preached about divine knowledge but never revealed their flaws. They, too, made the world seem simple: “Hear the truth, accept the truth, live well.”
In the present moment, I approach matters with greater caution and refrain from assuming that I possess comprehensive understanding. Instead, I embrace the presence of numerous inquiries without definitive solutions. I have cultivated a comfort with curiosity and ambiguity, as these concepts no longer evoke apprehension within me. I perceive individuals resembling the charismatic salesperson who hastily insists on the necessity of their merchandise, akin to peddlers of deceptive products. It is this type of individual that warrants our vigilance.
